blog 74: In which I attempt to break the Internet. READ ON!

Posted on January 3, 2015 by mgbauer

Well it’s my first blog of 2015 and already I’m behind schedule! Not good.

Here’s the thing. I have a desperate need to upgrade my Social networking skills, because in March this year I’m part of a seminar session at the Somerset Celebration of Literature Festival with Kathryn Apel called Blogging and Author Platforms. 

So somehow between now and March 18th I really need to lift my game so that it looks like I know what I’m talking about. (Of course it is entirely possible that Kathryn has been chosen to provide all the expert advice on the topic and I’ve been included as a dire warning about what not to do.)

In any case, this is the present state of my very humble and slightly rickety ‘Author Platform’. (It’s actually not so much a ‘Platform’ as a couple of planks  balancing precariously on two 44 gallon drums.)

1. THIS BLOG: (michaelgerardbauer.com)

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According to the information on the right of this page I have 585 subscribers. Can this be right? Sounds like a lot to me. But if it is true, thanks everyone! (Oh and just a reminder if you are one of those 585 good folk, your $100 subscription fee is due next Monday, so let’s get that money rolling in shall we!)

*My Blog Goal by March 18th: Increase Subscribers to 585,000. (Seems do-able. I just need each of my subscribers to enlist 1000 friends. What are you waiting for? Get to it! )

2. AUTHOR FACEBOOK PAGE: (Michael Gerard Bauer Author)

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At present I have 433 Likes. Which is lovely, but I have noticed that some authors actually have more! For example, last time I looked Neil Gaiman (who?) had 785,004 likes. (Probably got all his family involved the swine!) Anyway I think I could definitely do better here.

*My Author Facebook Page Goal by March 18th: To have as many Likes Neil Gaiman, plus one more.

3. ISHMAEL SERIES FACEBOOK PAGE: (Don’t Call Me Ishmael – Michael Gerard Bauer)

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The current state of play is that this page has 67 Likes. This is a small but dedicated band of extremely intelligent, perceptive and overall superior human beings who I feel I have let down badly through slack and intermittent posting. But things are about to change! So now’s the time to tell your friends and climb on board Team Ishmael. As the Razzman would say “Carpet Dinkum. Squeeze the day!”

*My Ishmael Facebook Page goal by March 18th: To gain somewhere between a hundred and 7.125 Billion Followers. I’m thinking that about half-way would be nice.

4. MY TWITTER ACCOUNT: (Michael Gerard Bauer  @m_g_bauer)

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Currently running at 33 Followers. Modest I know, but to be fair, I’ve only just started on Twitter and I haven’t got a clue what the hell I’m doing. I’m hoping after diligent study to achieve a rapid learning curve . Lots of room for improvement here.

*My Twitter Goal by March 18th: Total Followers to include half the Civilized World and a huge proportion of the Uncivilized World.

5. MY INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT (MichaelGerardBauer)

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As of today, 48 Followers. Like Twitter, I’m fumbling in the dark with this one and have been missing in action most of the time.  Expect a photographic blitzkrieg soon!

*My Instagram Goal by March 18th: 1. 0001 million Followers. (Give or take a million followers.)

So there it is. I’ve thrown down the gauntlet and put up my hand. (Not easy to do simultaneously!) I will report back on my astounding progress just before March 18th. In the meantime any help you can give me by ‘Liking’ or ‘Following’ or spreading the word about any or all of the above will be hugely appreciated.

For my part I will be attempting over the next few months (and in fact throughout 2015) to blog, post, comment, inform, philosophize and generally rabbit on both visually and verbally on social media, like a man possessed. (Hopefully like a man possessed with a modicum of intelligence and wit.)

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Eat your heart our Stephen Fry!

Cheers
Michael
PS: In my NEXT BLOG which will be appearing in record time (due to my new turbo-charged social media profile!) I will be briefly and belatedly recapping the last two months of the previous year (complete with stunning visual aids) and saying a final goodbye to 2014 with one of the most pathetic literary puns imaginable. The excitement is palpable! 

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blog 73: In which I look back over October.

Posted on November 15, 2014 by mgbauer

In a recent blog I out-lined some of my high, as well as a number of my medium-to-low, lights of July, August and September this year.

But that wasn’t the end of it. Ooooooooooooh no.

As soon as September finished, OCTOBER started up almost immediately! It’s been that sort of year. Just one month after another, with absolutely no let up in sight. Crazy!

So anyway, for what it’s worth, here’s a rambling account of my October, interspersed with plenty of pictures and videos for those of you with short attention spans.

I wonder what’s on TV tonight?

Do my toenails need clipping?

Look, a birdie!

  • October started with a couple of school visits in and around Brisbane, including an enjoyable trip out to Kilcoy (The home of the Yeti!) where my wife and I stayed at a hotel unit that featured a cow sporting two artificial legs on the roof. As you do.

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  • On one memorable day, I mowed the lawn. NOTIFY THE PRESS!

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  • Joe completed the final illustrations to the second Derek ‘Danger’ Dale book due to be released in February 2015. (He’s about to start work on DDD 3 drawings. When he’s finished those, I have promised to unchain him from the desk.)

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  • My wife and I spent two very pleasant weeks down in Melbourne, house and bunny sitting (Basil and Luna) for my daughter Meg while she was away in Japan. Luna was a big House of Cards fan.

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  • During a day trip to the Melbourne CBD, Ard and I discovered that the authorities take fare evasion very seriously.

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  • While in Melbourne I had a lovely visit to St Mary’s Coptic College and I also flew to Sydney to talk to the Year 8 boys of St Aloysius College Milson’s Point. It’s also known as ‘the school by the Harbour’ because … … … well you figure it out.
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School terrace at St Aloysius College Sydney.

  • While I was at St Aloysius I attempted to call in on the Prime Minister at Kirribilli House which is just down the road from the College, but I was turned back.

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  • Back in Melbourne I drove to Hillcrest Christian College for the YABBA Awards ceremony. Eric Vale Epic Fail was shortlisted in one of the categories. We didn’t win but it was a great day and I got to catch up with plenty of lovely author colleagues, including Krista Bell, Sherryl Clark, Nicole Hayes and Felice Arena.

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  • Eric Vale Epic Fail was also awarded an Honour Book at the KOALA awards in Sydney which was exciting news. Joe and I sent down the following video.
  • A stage version of The Running Man began a 25 performance run in ULM Germany.

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Back: Vikki Wakefield, Kirsty Murray, Matt Ottley, Lucy Christopher, Anthony Eaton, John Marsden. Front: Melina Marchetta, JC Burke, MGB, AJ Betts, Lesley Reece.

  • While I was at the Conference, I managed to further enhance my reputation as the World’s Worst Selfie taker. (With Lucy Christopher, AJ Betts and Tony Eaton)

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  • But of course, it goes without saying, that all the other writers were always besides themselves with excitement at the prospect of having their photo taken with me!

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  • I’ll just finish by saying that while my accommodation for the Conference was delightful …

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  • … the transportation to and from the venue left a little to be desired!

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  • And finally, another thing that happened during the month of October, was that the man I consider to be one of the greatest ever Australians, passed away at the age of 98. Thanks for everything Gough.

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Thus endeth the month.

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Cheers
Michael

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Warning: AUSTRALIENS set to invade!

Posted on November 5, 2014 by mgbauer

This Friday our amazing son Joe Bauer and our equally amazing daughter-in-law Rita Artmann who together form Artspear Entertainment will be premiering their second full length feature film here in Brisbane. It’s an hilarious sci-fi comedy called AUSTRALIENS about a bizarre alien attack on Australia.

It will be shown simultaneously in two cinemas and tickets must be purchased before hand. If you are in or around Brisbane on Friday 7th Nov we’d love to see you there.

All the details and how to book a ticket for the second cinema can be found HERE.

Here’s just a taste of what you are in for:

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Even our car has a starring role. And it’s wheely good!

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Joe’s poster illustration of the cast and crew. Can you spot my wife and me in there somewhere?

 

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Adrie – shoot caterer extraordinaire!

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Don’t blink during the screening or you might miss these two cool dudes!

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Super proud parents and parents-in-law with AUSTRALIENS co-writer, producer and actor, Rita Artmann and writer, director, actor, editor and special effects guy, Joe Bauer!

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Don’t forget, get your TICKETS HERE!

Cheers
Michael

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Blog 72: In which I quickly recap 20 highlights of July, August and September.

Posted on September 23, 2014 by mgbauer

ONCE AGAIN I have failed to keep my resolution of regular blogging and so I am forced to rapidly and haphazardly retrace my steps over the past three months.

So here goes:

1. In July, Joe and I launched Secret Agent Derek ‘Danger’ Dale and The Case of Animals Behaving Really REALLY Badly at Black Cat Books Paddington Brisbane – with the help of my wife’s delicious cupcakes. A great day and a huge thanks to everyone who turned up to support us.

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2. Soon after, Derek started popping up in bookshops.

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3. Following Australia’s shock exit from the World Cup before the Final, I threw my support behind the Bauers’ ancestral homeland and came up trumps. YA!

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4. Over a 6/7 week period, mainly in August, I visited around 30+ schools in Cairns, Brisbane, the Gold Coast, Toowoomba and Melbourne, meeting heaps of fantastic kids along the way.

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5. I also managed to take some of the world’s worst selfies.

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6. During my travels, I was lucky enough to catch up with some awesome  writerly colleagues, including …

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Oliver Phommavanh                                              Nick Earls & Isobelle Carmody

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Caroline Magerl and Lucia Masciullo                                     Glenda Millard

7. I also met lots of dedicated, hard-working, knowledgeable, enthusiastic and friendly teachers, librarians and library staff who went out their way to make me feel very welcome and special.

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8. I also checked out some of the school libraries’ wildlife including some great bush turkeys from St Joseph’s Primary School Bardon in Brisbane and this weight-challenged rabbit from the Glennie school in Toowoomba.

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9. I had these as part of my morning tea at Fintona Girls school in Melbourne. Lego + Chocolate. Does it get any better?

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10. I got to stay a few days with my daughter the Megstar in Melbourne which as you can see, delighted her no end.

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11. I had another BIRTHDAY! Same thing happened last year. (Never too late to send presents!) Believe it or not, I’m actually looking forward to my 40s.

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12. I saw this frog in a toilet at Oakey Council Library and it just about made my year.

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13. Joe and I did a presentation on the Eric Vale series at the Brisbane Writers Festival. It was the first time we’d worked together and it was Joe’s first ever author/illustrator talk. The session was a sell-out in front of 250+ people. It was a lot of fun and Joe was awesome. Plus we made the Brisbane News magazine on Fathers’ Day. Proud Dad!

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14. I went to the launch of Sam Wheeler’s new book Spud and Charli and had a great time.

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15. I briefly considered a career as a Fairy Godfather.

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16. I finished writing the third Secret Agent Derek ‘Danger’ Dale adventure, while Joe continued to work on his fantastic illustrations for the second one.

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17. The Eric Vale books continued to do wonderful things that thrilled Joe and me. Eric Vale Epic Fail was shortlisted for the Children’s Choice Awards along with a bunch of wonderful books/authors and won the Bilby award in Queensland.  Meanwhile, Eric Vale Super Male was named as a CBCA Notable Book.  Also the Eric Vale books had their 9th overseas sale, this time an English language edition destined for Asia (China, Indonesia, Japan, Malaysia, Singapore, Taiwan and Thailand.) Amazing.

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18 I spent a lazy three and half weeks waiting for my computer to update.

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19. We installed an expensive new security system in our house.

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20. And finally I had a well-earned break for a few days at Tewantin on the Sunshine Coast where I stood beside a lake at dusk for no apparent reason, and my wife was harassed by the local bird-life.

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Cheers
Michael.

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