blog 74: In which I attempt to break the Internet. READ ON!

Well it’s my first blog of 2015 and already I’m behind schedule! Not good.

Here’s the thing. I have a desperate need to upgrade my Social networking skills, because in March this year I’m part of a seminar session at the Somerset Celebration of Literature Festival with Kathryn Apel called Blogging and Author Platforms

So somehow between now and March 18th I really need to lift my game so that it looks like I know what I’m talking about. (Of course it is entirely possible that Kathryn has been chosen to provide all the expert advice on the topic and I’ve been included as a dire warning about what not to do.)

In any case, this is the present state of my very humble and slightly rickety ‘Author Platform’. (It’s actually not so much a ‘Platform’ as a couple of planks  balancing precariously on two 44 gallon drums.)



According to the information on the right of this page I have 585 subscribers. Can this be right? Sounds like a lot to me. But if it is true, thanks everyone! (Oh and just a reminder if you are one of those 585 good folk, your $100 subscription fee is due next Monday, so let’s get that money rolling in shall we!)

*My Blog Goal by March 18th: Increase Subscribers to 585,000. (Seems do-able. I just need each of my subscribers to enlist 1000 friends. What are you waiting for? Get to it! )

2. AUTHOR FACEBOOK PAGE: (Michael Gerard Bauer Author)


At present I have 433 Likes. Which is lovely, but I have noticed that some authors actually have more! For example, last time I looked Neil Gaiman (who?) had 785,004 likes. (Probably got all his family involved the swine!) Anyway I think I could definitely do better here.

*My Author Facebook Page Goal by March 18th: To have as many Likes Neil Gaiman, plus one more.

3. ISHMAEL SERIES FACEBOOK PAGE: (Don’t Call Me Ishmael – Michael Gerard Bauer)


The current state of play is that this page has 67 Likes. This is a small but dedicated band of extremely intelligent, perceptive and overall superior human beings who I feel I have let down badly through slack and intermittent posting. But things are about to change! So now’s the time to tell your friends and climb on board Team Ishmael. As the Razzman would say “Carpet Dinkum. Squeeze the day!”

*My Ishmael Facebook Page goal by March 18th: To gain somewhere between a hundred and 7.125 Billion Followers. I’m thinking that about half-way would be nice.

4. MY TWITTER ACCOUNT: (Michael Gerard Bauer  @m_g_bauer)


Currently running at 33 Followers. Modest I know, but to be fair, I’ve only just started on Twitter and I haven’t got a clue what the hell I’m doing. I’m hoping after diligent study to achieve a rapid learning curve . Lots of room for improvement here.

*My Twitter Goal by March 18th: Total Followers to include half the Civilized World and a huge proportion of the Uncivilized World.

5. MY INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT (MichaelGerardBauer)


As of today, 48 Followers. Like Twitter, I’m fumbling in the dark with this one and have been missing in action most of the time.  Expect a photographic blitzkrieg soon!

*My Instagram Goal by March 18th: 1. 0001 million Followers. (Give or take a million followers.)

So there it is. I’ve thrown down the gauntlet and put up my hand. (Not easy to do simultaneously!) I will report back on my astounding progress just before March 18th. In the meantime any help you can give me by ‘Liking’ or ‘Following’ or spreading the word about any or all of the above will be hugely appreciated.

For my part I will be attempting over the next few months (and in fact throughout 2015) to blog, post, comment, inform, philosophize and generally rabbit on both visually and verbally on social media, like a man possessed. (Hopefully like a man possessed with a modicum of intelligence and wit.)


Eat your heart our Stephen Fry!

PS: In my NEXT BLOG which will be appearing in record time (due to my new turbo-charged social media profile!) I will be briefly and belatedly recapping the last two months of the previous year (complete with stunning visual aids) and saying a final goodbye to 2014 with one of the most pathetic literary puns imaginable. The excitement is palpable! 

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5 Responses to blog 74: In which I attempt to break the Internet. READ ON!

  1. 😀
    Honestly: Your goals are a little bit lame, aren’t they? Can’t you think of something more challenging for you and your fans. 😉


  2. Sam says:

    Just point out the John Green vlog – instant street cred, MGB.


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