New Book! ERIC VALE EPIC FAIL Out Now!

Check out the trailer here for my new book for younger readers Eric Vale Epic Fail. The book is written by me and illustrated by my son Joe. Joe Bauer is an amazing young film-maker (script-writer, director, actor, editor and special effects) and talented artist and he created the trailer.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

blog 42: In which I stun everyone by actually blogging!

 When it comes to recent blogging, I have been the very broken heel on the boot of slackness.

In a pathetic attempt to make amends, here is a drastically condensed version of my recent trips to London, Edinburgh, Melbourne, Fremantle and Bunbury.

PART the FIRST: Brissie to LONDON

 Woke up on a Friday morning. (I’d gone to sleep on a Thursday night. So far everything was going to plan.) It was the 1oth of August (“Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!” And by the way, it’s never too late to send presents.).

Flew from Brisbane to Sydney and Sydney to Hong Kong. (Approximately every half an hour I whine something like, “Are we almost there yet!” The pilot tries to keep one hand on the controls while leaning back over his seat to whack me with the other, but I’m too fast for him. Winning!)

 Took a photo of my foot while waiting for my next plane in Hong Kong airport.

  

Pondered the possibility of creating a photo blog entitled “My Shoe at Different Places”.

Reject the above photo blog idea because:

(a) It’s totally stupid and pathetic
and
(b) Do you honestly believe I need another reason?

Fly to London.

Watched the following on route – 1. War Horse; 2. The Hunger Games; 3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (US version); 4. Doco on Woody Allen; 5. Doco on Bob Marley
(For some reason my eyes feel like they’re coated in sandpaper.)

Arrive London – along with some members of the Australian Paralympic Team. I cheer silently and sing the national anthem in my head as they file past me.

The day I get to London, the Olympics end. Probably just a coincidence. I watch the Closing Ceremony on TV but of course it’s a lot clearer and bigger than it would be back home because now I’m much closer.

Highlights of my time in London:

1. Being in London.

   

2. Staying at my sister and brother-in-law’s home in Strawberry Hill and spending time with them and my two nephews and their partners. That’s my bro-in-law Andrew in the photo. You can just see him if you squint. Hi Andy!  In real life he’s a bit bigger than that .

 
3. Meeting the lovely people from Templar Publishing and being taken around to a number of bookshops such as the famous Foyles to chat with booksellers and sign stock of the first two Ishmael books.
4. Having a Meet the Author event at Waterstones Bookstore in Covent Gardens.

5. Filming book trailers for the Ishmael series at the Hot Keys offices.

           

 6. Watching this street entertainer in Convent Garden and his amazingly skilful and daring  pogo leap trick – right up to the point when it ended in a messy tragedy.

 Ok that’s the first part done.

Next stop EDINBURGH and the BOOOOOOK FESTIVAL there!

Cheers
Michael

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

blog 41: In which I reveal TWELVE surprising FACTS about the suburb of ASHGROVE.

ASHGROVE FACT SHEET:

1. I was born in ASHGROVE. Yep, in the actual suburb, in what used to be a small private hospital, but is now a block of flats. Naturally I petitioned the State Government to have a bronze plaque erected there. No luck. I’m just another victim of the recent crazy budget cut-backs.

2. The name ASHGROVE comes from two non-aboriginal words ASH and GROVE which roughly translate to ‘BIRTHPLACE OF LEGENDS’.

3. As well as being born there, I also grew up in ASHGROVE, went to primary and secondary school there, taught there, met my wife there, (moved out for a few years when first married), moved back there with our young family, taught there again but in a different school, sent both kids to primary and secondary schools there, wrote my first book there and also set my first book there. (Currently we live in the neighbouring suburb but if I go to the end of our street I can still see the ‘ASHGROVE’ sign so that’s all right then.) 

4. ASHGROVE is the only Brisbane suburb to have a style of house named after it. Not surprisingly it’s called ‘THE ASHGROVIAN’. No other Brisbane suburb has this honour. Search as you will, you won’t find any Kedronians or Cooparoooians or even Woollongabbaians.

5. As far as houses go some people can’t tell the difference between an ASHGROVIAN and a QUEENSLANDER. These people are just being fools to themselves and burdens to society!

6. Traditional classic ASHGROVIANS were built up on stilts with open verandahs (see image below) and featured a mythical area beneath referred to in hushed tones as ‘under the house’. This is the ASHGROVE equivalent of Narnia or Middle Earth.   

 

 

This is the Old Ashgrovian that I grew up in (since repainted) showing a glimpse into the magical kingdom of ‘under the house’. One day I also will be an old Ashgrovian. It’s the circle of life!

7. In order to distinguish one Ashgrovian house from another and avoid confusion , it is a common practice to plant a palm tree in your front yard. That way you can say, “I live in the old Ashgrovian in Blue Tongue Crescent – the one with the palm tree in the front yard.”

Of course if there is already an Ashgrovian with a palm tree in its front yard in your street, then you have to go that little bit further …

Just try to avoid going overboard …

 

8. Enoggera Creek runs through ASHGROVE. I don’t know why. It just does.

 

 

9. Back in the day, ASHGROVE, like the rest of Brisbane, used to have Trams.

(That advertising on the side of the tram reminds me that when I was a student as Marist Brothers in ASHGROVE one of the Brothers had a short, thick, heavy, platted leather strap he used to hurl at kids who were mucking up or not paying attention. He called the strap ‘Aspro’ because he reckoned ‘it worked two and a quarter times faster’. Those Marist Brothers were funny guys! Until someone lost an eye or suffered brain damage. )

10. For people who know my books: In the photo below, the street on the left is ASHGROVE Ave, the street the Running Man runs down. And where that car is parked used to be Mr Cousins’ store. Across the road is the Vets where Corey takes Mr Moe in Just a Dog. And the street that goes down to the right is where both Corey and Joseph from The Running Man would have lived. It’s also the street (Holmesbrook St) where I grew up.

 

11. A nice thing about living in ASHGROVE is that wherever you go you can usually see Taylor Range and the TV station towers up on Mount Coo-tha. It’s very comforting and reassuring to be reminded that no matter what problems you might have, there will always be television.

 

12. In the old, old days that I can just barely remember, ASHGROVE (along with other Brisbane suburbs) used to get visited by the Rat Patrol and the Rat Men would bring along their very excitable and efficient Rat Dogs to hunt for … wait for it … RATS! Now THAT’S entertainment! Afterwards there would be a big fry up and a street party along with a human sacrifice to appease the Rat God. (Not completely sure about that last fact. Could be an urban myth.)

I hope you’ve enjoyed this nostalgic and educational trip through god’s own suburb.

Cheers
Michael

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

blog 40: In which I reveal further shocking secrets from the Ishmael Trilogy!

In blog 37 I revealed some shocking behind the scenes secrets from Don’t Call Me Ishmael. In this blog I conclude my startling exposé with Ishmael and the Return of the Dugongs and Ishmael and the Hoops of Steel! So, only if you happen to have read one or both of those books, READ ON!

1. Here are some hidden Da Vinci-like codes and secrets in the original Australian cover of Ishmael and the Return of the Dugongs created and designed by my son Joe.

  • On the Dugong’s cassette from the 1980s that features on the front cover, I’m the second Dugong from the left – at least it’s a younger, more purple and digitally enhanced version of me.
  • The little badge on the floor above the ‘I’ in Ishmael on the front cover, is actually Joe’s ‘Optimus Badge’ from school. It was awarded for Academic Achievement. That’s my boy!
  • The Party Popper on the front cover has been edited by Joe to say ‘Party Pooper’.
  • Joe’s stylised initials – JTB – appear on one of the drumsticks.
  • St Daniel’s address on the Dugong’s concert tickets is ‘Ottawa Street’. That was the street address of our first house. 
  • We still have Ignatius Prindabel’s Pi t-shirt that can be seen on the back cover. My wife wore it a couple of times when she was a Maths teacher.
  • All the items on the cover are supposed to be on the floor of the St Daniel’s school gymnasium where the band The Dugongs have just performed a reunion concert. We did try to take the pictures at a local girls school gymnasium but they didn’t work out. So the floor featured on the cover is actually a local squash court.

    Joe’s original design for the cover of Dugongs.

2. One of the Dugong’s songs is “Dead Toad Society Blues”. When we were at University my cousin (and best friend at the time) and I formed a fictional organisation called the Dapto Dead Toad Society. I think at its peak it had six members and no real purpose. But this is where the song originated.

3. The character of Razz mistakenly thinks when his teacher says his poem is ‘rigid with rigor mortis’ that it is a compliment and starts using the word ‘rigid’ as a synonym for  ‘good’ or ‘awesome’. This was my attempt to create a new slang word and get it into popular usage. Limited success so far, but I’m still hopeful.

4. Ishmael writes a little poem for Kelly called The Weatherman’s Daughter. I wrote the same poem for a real girl when I was at Uni. I liked her a lot. Her father was a Weatherman. I never showed her the poem.

5. In Hoops Ishmael and the boys form a volleyball team. I was a volleyball coach at Marist and used to motivate my team with chocolate bars just like Mr Guthrie does.

6. It will sound pathetic but when I tried to read the Hoops chapter to my wife where Razz gets his Hamlet lines and words confused (Ch 28 Windy Perspiration of Horse Breath) I couldn’t do it because I was laughing so much.

7. The disturbing and stomach churning ‘kiss scene’ from Hoops is based almost slurp for slurp and cringe for cringe on one of my school boy experiences.

8. Bill Kingsley gets into hula-hooping because at the time of writing I was trying (spectacularly unsuccessfully) to learn how to hoop.

9. Because my childhood hero was Shintaro from the TV series The Samurai there are a few Samurai and Ninja references sprinkled throughout the Ishmael Trilogy. In Hoops it comes in the form of the character Melvin Yip – aka The Psycho Samurai or the Nutcase Ninja – and his unusual volleyball style. 

10. The character of Theodore Bungalari, (the ‘Smokin’ Gorokan’ as Razz calls him) from Papua New Guinea is in book three as recognition of all the great PNG boys I taught at Marist.

That’s about all I got.

Cheers
Michael

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments