blog 97: In which I wake up and realise that 2017 has started already!

Hi All.

Well 2017 is already well underway so I thought I should blog something before I missed it completely.

In terms of writing, it’s been about half a year since my last book The Pain My Mother Sir Tiffy Cyber Boy and Me was released and I’m really happy with the way it’s been received. You can see some great reviews HERE.

Of course these are just the really favourable reviews (or the best bits carefully edited from the luke-warm ones). The ones that accused me of committing crimes against literature, I shredded, raked together in an enormous pile and incinerated in what my neighbours described as “a very tasteful and moving ceremony”.


Currently I’m writing (in between watching tennis) a semi-serious YA novel. Haven’t decided yet what it will be called, but the working title is My Current Semi-Serious YA Novel. I like to think of it as a boy meets girl romantic comedy with a dark heart. I also like to think of it as a Nobel Prize winner, but that’s probably going too far.

Here’s a photo of where my Work in Progress is being progressively worked on.


One of the exciting things for me about 2017 is that my first PICTURE BOOK will be released!

I think.

I haven’t heard an actually released date yet. Can’t say too much about it except that it may or may not involve a furry animal and that I really like the illustrations that I’ve seen so far. (Not by Joe Bauer this time.) They’re even better than my alternative Eric Vale illustrations!

scan0085This year as always I’ll be visiting schools and attending a number of festivals and literary events. (Just in case you were wondering, yes, I’m always happy to get paid to travel to exotic locations. So don’t hold back on those invitations!)

You can check the current state of my bookings by going to this page of the blog: BOOKINGS 2017.

You can contact BOOKED OUT SPEAKERS AGENCY and inquire about booking me at any time of the year. But if you’re particularly interested in a booking in AUGUST, which is usually a busy and packed month for authors, I will be in:


BRISBANE (Book Week) from AUGUST 21-25


There are already a few dates taken so it’s best to get in early if you can. (Of course I could just be saying that to panic you into booking. But I’m not. Truly. Come on, is it really that hard for some of you believe that there are people out there who are keen to have me visit? Oh … I see … well that’s pretty depressing.)

Anyway, I’m also looking forward in May/June to visiting Femantle, Albany, Geraldton, Port Headland and Newman in Western Australia as one of the guest authors in the Talented and Young Writers’ Program which is run by The (fabulous) Literature Centre in Fremantle.

And just a reminder that in February BOOK LINKS will be running THREE of their very popular and fun ROMANCING THE STARS evenings. You can check out the details of all three HERE. (In case you wish to avoid it, I’ll be attending the one at Nudgee College on Feb 23 where I’ll also be launching Brian Falkner’s new book Shooting Stars.)

As far as my own reading goes I’ve started off the year with a series of autobiographies.  I really enjoyed Jimmy Barnes’ and Bryan Cranston’s books and now I’m running with The Boss.


And finally to all those people who have repeatedly emailed me asking why I’ve never posted a photo of myself with a giant fruit ice block – here you go.


Now stop harassing me!


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

blog 96: In which I meet SHINTARO!!!!!!!!!! and live/love to tell the tale.

If you were a kid like me growing up in Australia in the 60s you would probably remember a very popular TV show from Japan called The Samurai which featured a samurai warrior named Shintaro Akikusa and his Iga Ninja side-kick Tombei the Mist.

Maybe like me and many others you too became obsessed with the show and loved Shintaro as your hero for the rest of your life.

If so, we are definitely soul mates, and this blog is mainly for you .

Why did The Samurai make such a huge impression back in the 60s? Why did so many people love it so much and have such fond memories of it?

Well firstly I think it was because we’d never seen anything like it. We were used to shows from America and heroes like Superman or Tarzan or the Cisco kid or any number of other cowboys, but nothing like the high-action adventure and excitement, and the strange, exotic nature of samurais and ninjas in 18th century Japan.

Everything was new. Everything was surprising. It was a show where any bent-over peasant hobbling down a country lane and hidden beneath a big lampshade-like hat, could suddenly transform into a deadly Fuma, Puppet or Koga ninja!

But as magical and surprising as the ninjas were with their strange weapons and ‘tricks’ and their flashing swords (and shuffling feet!) and the ability to leap backwards to great heights, the big attraction of the show for me (and I suspect most others) was the hero himself Shintaro Akikusa.


What I loved about Shintaro so much was his style, grace and poise. Even when he was in the heat of battle, fighting for his life against a dozen deadly ninjas, he remained like some kind of action-man ballet dancer – a master of his craft, always in control. He had no super powers to help him out, just his intelligence and the skill and expertise of his flashing blade.

And on top of that, he looked great! I mean, nobody had the daring fashion sense of Shintaro. Plus he had long flowing hair and a ponytail even before The Beatles! He was like no other hero I had ever seen.

I guess that’s why I liked him.

But I think why I loved him was because he was unerringly honourable, loyal, humble and true. He was a warrior who fought by a code of ethics and showed respect to all, even his defeated enemies. He was also a defender of the weak and the put upon. As a kid I think I realised that I could never be Shintaro, but I still wanted to be like him. That desire never really left me.

These days I do lots of talks in schools because I write for children and young adults and I often tell the groups I’m speaking to how when I was in primary school my first goal in life was to be a samurai. I also say that I knew I could never really be a samurai, so I had a back-up plan. That was to be a ninja. I show them images of Shintaro and Tombei the Mist.

It’s not surprising therefore that there are more than few samurai and ninja references sprinkled throughout my books.

For instance, in Ishmael and the Hoops of Steel the character Razz mentions that he’s a big fan of a band called Tranz Phat and their song Ninja Love. In that same book there’s this description of an unusual boy called Melvin Yip:

Not only did Melvin firmly believe that he was the best Volleyball player in the entire school, somehow he had managed to convince himself that he was descended from either a long line of Japanese Samurais or some secret society of Ninjas. This was despite the fact that the Yips actually came from Malaysia not Japan and that Melvin himself was born in Australia. Reality wasn’t exactly Melvin Yip’s strong suit.

All of that would have been perfectly fine except that Melvin liked to display his Ninja and Samurai moves on the volleyball court whenever possible. This meant that every now and then when the ball came his way, he would leap into the air, scream ‘Yeeee-aaaaaa!’ thrash his arms at it and then land back on the court where he would pose for a few seconds, crouching ninja-like before springing nimbly backwards into position. The rest of us meanwhile had to try to figure out where the ball had gone. It was hardly surprising therefore that Melvin Yip was known in Volleyball circles as the Psycho Samurai or the Nutcase Ninja. He wore both titles with great pride.

And there are other examples. The short story The Knitting Needle Ninja that I contributed to the anthology Rich and Rare below, is based on a real (and for my brother, an unfortunate) incident which resulted indirectly from my love of The Samurai as a boy.


In my younger readers’ book Derek ‘Danger’ Dale and The Case of the Really, Really Magnetic Magnet, Derek battles an evil group calling themselves the Notoriously Nasty but Nevertheless Nifty Ninjas. They are headed by a female commander named Cherry Blossom Lotus Flower Rosebud Tinkerbell the Merciless (aka Her Supreme Nastiness for short). (All following illustrations by my son Joe Bauer.)


In the story Eric Vale Super Male when the main character Eric needed to have a favourite superhero, I created a half-ninja, half-nuclear-powered-robot called the Nuclear Ninjarator.


And because that whole story was all about superheroes and the nature of heroes, I dedicated the book to my own hero. scan0028

Then a year or so ago I joined the SAMURAI facebook group to seek out like-minded people who share my love of Shintaro and the show. It’s also been great sharing memories and memorabilia online.

Not long after joining the group I went to a meeting in Brisbane and got to see what has to be the Holy Grail for Samurai fans – the actual wig worn by actor Koichi Ose in the series!

It was given to Brisbane man Gary Renshaw who graciously brought it along and told me his incredible story of meeting ‘Shintaro’ in Tokyo and being gifted with the wig. (A Japanese TV show later came to Brisbane to film a segment on the group that eventually aired in Japan.)


Then, even more amazingly we found out that thanks to the huge efforts of another member David Lovegrove, ‘Shintaro’ (Koichi Ose) himself had heard of our fan club and had written us a letter of thanks.

To my dearest Australian fans of The Samurai,

It is really my great pleasure to know that you have a fan conference of The Samurai (Onmitsu Kenshi) today in Brisbane, Australia, even though a half century has already passed since the first airing of the program in Australia. I am deeply impressed.

I came to know that The Samurai was going to air in Australia when I was just preparing for The Samurai in Kyoto. After a while, the program gained popularity in Australia, so I was asked to visit Sydney and Melbourne. I remember very well that I entered the Sydney Airport in the costume of Akikusa Shintaro. I had changed my clothes in the air plane! If my memory is correct, I heard that the Beatles had also visited Sydney one week before my visit. If there had been more budget, I could have been able to take a lot more fellow actors and show real samurai and ninja to the Australian fans.

When I think back on my days of acting The Samurai (which is also the name of your Facebook club), I can recall hundreds of untold interesting stories. I can tell you at first that all the ninja’s paraphernalia needed a lot of work and time to prepare before shoot. At one time, there was a close-up of a shot when thrown stars and arrows struck near my face. They were thrown with piano wire, of course, not by someone’s actual hand. Honestly, I was very scared. They could have struck my face, you know, if something went wrong. I was terrified also when gunpowder exploded near my body.

It was the middle of winter when we went to the Izu Peninsula for a long shoot. Izu is a resort area near Tokyo and is famous for its hot springs. However, I had to be in the freezing waterfalls for a while. I could survive such a torture because I was young. I jumped into a hot spring after the shot and felt extremely comfortable.

I heard from Mr. David Lovegrove that there is the Shintaro wig at Mr. Greg Newman’s house today. There is nothing left in my hand that was used for The Samurai. I gave even a sword, katana, whensomeone asked me to have it as a present. When Mr. Gary Renshaw said he wanted to have something for his memory, I gave him my only and last wig. I am very glad he still keeps it. I am also very glad to hear that Ms. Nikki White has maintained a website for all The Samurai fans.

I have so many stories that I cannot tell them all at one time. I would love to tell you about them sometime when I meet you. I have a wish to visit Australia again before it becomes too late;-)

Thanks again to all of you.
With Love,

Ose Koichi

Well, I really thought it couldn’t get any better than that. But then we got the news that Koichi Ose himself was coming to Sydney and wanted to meet with his Samurai fans!

That meeting happened yesterday (Sunday 11th December) at the Rydges World Square Hotel for a limited audience of 30 dedicated and excited Shintaro devotees.


What a day! And what a beautiful, generous, gracious and humble man – just like the character he played 50 years ago. Just like you would want him to be.

We all got to hear Koich Ose answer questions about himself and the show (via a translator).

Then we had the opportunity to have individual photos taken with him and have memorabilia signed.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


And we all got to sign the white coat he wore especially for the occasion! (see my name up there near the collar?)

During the afternoon Mr Ose was reunited briefly with his famous Samurai wig.


At the end of the meet and greet we all posed for a group photo and then it was finally time to say a sad goodbye to an absolute legend.

img_20161211_153655 img_20161211_154845

It was touching to see Koichi Ose so grateful to be remembered in the land Down Under after all these years and to see him so moved by the love shown to him in the room.

In the emotion of the moment, words failed him and we were left only with the beautiful tears of a Samurai.

No translation was necessary.

Thanks to everyone who made the day possible especially David Lovegrove, and to everyone who shared it with me.

It’s not everyday you get to meet your hero. But yesterday I did.

And I’m still smiling.


img_20161211_180609 img_20161212_161122

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

blog 95: In which I suddenly realise it’s December!

It’s the last month of 2016. If this year is following the pattern of previous years, by my calculations, that means it’s December!

Back on September 12 when I last wrote, I ended my blog with this bold statement:

I’m making a resolution to do shorter weekly blogs whether I’ve got anything to say or not. So that should be riveting. Still, I think you’ll agree that this is an excellent resolution, which I guess is why I have made it so many times before.

By my calculation I should therefore have posted around 12 of those ‘shorter weekly blogs’ by now. Well that didn’t happen. So here, in their place, is my regular, hastily-thrown-together, shambolic three monthly catch-up. (I mean really, what did you expect?)

Some random things that have happened since we last met.

  • Nine years after it was first published Don’t Call Me Ishmael was up for a KOALA AWARD which was exciting. It didn’t win, but just look below at the brilliant company Ishmael and his friends were keeping! Congratulations to the winner Morris Gleitzman for Soon and to the Honour Books My Life As An Alphabet by my good friend Barry Jonsberg and The Last Thirteen #1 by James Phelan. koalashortlistyears7to92016
  • I had my last two school visits for the year – Hi to Albany Creek State School and Eaton’s Hill! This year in total I had over 50 days at schools and Festivals around Australia – plus 3 weeks in China! – and every day was a really positive and enjoyable experience. (For people interstate  who might be interested in a school visit in 2017, I will definitely be in Adelaide 28 Aug – 1 Sept and Melbourne 14 Aug – 18 Aug. All bookings through BOOKED OUT SPEAKERS AGENCY. I’m at home in Brissie for Book Week 21 Aug – 25 Aug.)

This slideshow requires JavaScript.




  • I attended the first Big Lit Quiz organised by Jenny Stubbs and the folks at Book Links and held at Padua College. A great fun afternoon that I hope will become a regular event.
    I was part of a crack authors’ team called Writers’ Bloc (get it?) featuring the amazing talents of Chris Bongers, Sam Wheeler and Richard Newsome. Unfortunately all their combined amazing talents weren’t enough to overcome the handicap of having me on the team and we finished in a position best summed up as ‘nowhere near first’.
    The highlight of the day  for Richard (and very possibly the highlight of his life) was winning a video on ME! Richard informs me that as a viewing experience, it makes an excellent coaster. He was even kind enough to send me photographic proof …

15171284_10210191991943691_1235347715411922612_n 15253548_10210191961342926_7302549604470421762_n15220130_10210191830699660_1891979026341327830_n  15170893_10154052372253016_5310755479054040145_n

  • At home we had a huge tidy up of our garage and we installed some super-duper* (*technical term) new space-saving shelves. Here’s one of the many ‘shelfies’ I took on the day. Bwahahahahahahahaha!  Go on, it was worth reading this entire blog just for that. Gold! img_20160928_172939


  • My writing hero and writing inspiration His Bobness was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. Never in doubt, with daylight second. Cheers Bobby!

Ard at our 50 Birthday Bash party for Bob in 1991.

  • We survived this storm and when it was done the sky turned orange. I’m pretty sure it was a dress rehearsal for the End of the World.

15338659_10210241646265018_7206277197633757593_n-1 img_2258

  • I continued to go on my fairly regular early morning or late afternoon walks but as you can see, when we hit summer down under in Oz, things really start to heat up. I’ll need to be careful. I wouldn’t want to lose TOO much weight.


  • We went for a quick drive up to Mt Coot-tha lookout which is not that far from where we live. If you’re ever in Brisbane make sure you go there. You can get something to eat and drink at the Cafe or Restaurant and check out the wonderful views of ‘Brisvegas’. img_20161129_113937a
  • And finally, on a very sad note, Australia and world of picture books and children’s literature lost this most beautiful, talented and hilarious of ladies. Vale Narelle Oliver. Loved and missed by many.


Well that’s about it. A lot of other things must have happened that I’ve forgotten about (was there something about an election in America?) but I think it’s high time I put you all out of your misery and signed off.
I won’t insult your intelligence by yet again promising that from now on I intend to post much more regularly, but you know, deep down, I sort of secretly do.
HOWEVER, if because of circumstances probably within my control I don’t actually get around to doing another blog before the largish, jolly, bearded man calls (no, not me!) I just want to say this: Thanks so much to anyone who has taken the time to read any of my rambling blogs and from Ard and me and all the troops we wish you and yours a love and laughter-filled Christmas and a very ‘Hoopy’ New Year.




Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

blog 94: In which I quickly recap the past 8 weeks – with beaucoup de pictures!

A lot has happened over the last 8 weeks. Not much writing I have to admit (ie none) but plenty of writing-related things.

For example …

# I visited a number of schools in and around the BRISBANE/IPSWICH region, such as Ipswich Girls Grammar, St Edmund’s College, Corinda SHS, St Agatha’s Primary School and Brisbane Bayside State College and had a great time talking to the students.


# I spent 5 very enjoyable days up in ROCKHAMPTON (the BEEF Capital of Australia!) visiting schools with all these lovely writing and illustrating colleagues.


With Julie Fison, Majory Walker, Meredith Costain and just one of the many BULL statues in Rocky.

With Julie Fison, Majory Gardner, Meredith Costain and just one of the many BULL statues in Rocky.

On our day off I took in the beautiful classic Queensland architecture …

img_20160811_214857    img_20160811_181914

… visited the Rocky Zoo (where fortunately the wildlife was more impressive than the punctuation) …


… took a selfie with this guy …


… indulged in a balanced lunch featuring both HOT and COLD items from the Fast Food Unhealthy-Eating Pyramid …

  img_20160812_155449       img_20160812_160302a

… and watched the sun go down in the zoo’s beautiful lake and gardens.



One very sad note for the Rocky trip was the absence of this beautiful man, the wise, intelligent and talented writer/illustrator Kevin Burgemeestre.

Kevin passed away shortly before he was due to join us on tour (and be my apartment buddy for the second time around). While he wasn’t with us physically, he was certainly in our hearts and minds, and the memories from our previous trips and meetings, and Kev’s gentle, infectious personality will stay with me for ever. 

12805964_10208103506212853_5345751270657977106_n   993584_10154160676248690_2828694903376970445_n

# After the Rockhampton trip I had a week of school visits in MELBOURNE City of Literature and The World’s Most Liveable City for the 6th year in a row. 

14089060_1156365644420847_4868510023201238996_n  img_20160901_121939

img_20160826_164846img_20160904_065810   img_20160901_131431

A big shout out to all the staff and students of Camberwell HS, Overnewton Anglican Community College, Western Heights SC, St Bernard’s College, Keysborough College, Emmaus College, Waverley Christian College and Broadford Secondary College, for being so welcoming and for making the busy week so enjoyable.


Waiting for the rest of the troops to arrive – St Bernard’s College Essendon.

As well as speaking at schools in and around Melbourne, my visit to Broadford Secondary College took me out into the beautiful Victorian countryside where I met Kane the Amazing (and apparently slightly gluttonous) Reading Dog and signed a book for him. I really thought he would have gone for Just a Dog but he preferred The Running Man. Maybe he liked the idea of chasing someone.


img_20160826_164251      img_20160826_140308

While I was (freezing) in Broadford I also took a photo of this. Can’t remember now if it was some old pulping thing from the paper mill, a prototype nuclear bomb or the underwater vessel from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Either way, I’m glad they had it fenced up!


Other highlights of my time in Melbourne were getting to spend time with my daughter Meg  (who is into knitting in a BIG way) and son-in-law Ryan  (no, it’s not a jumper for him) … 


… seeing this sculpture of a man fighting a giant boxed-shaped cow in Sunshine (the meaning of which I think would be pretty self-explanatory to any art connoisseur) … 

img_20160821_144154  img_20160823_142643

… and sharing this touching moment with my wife and daughter.


After Melbourne it was back to Queensland for a quick trip to TOWNSVILLE  as part of a series of regional tours organised by Julie Gwynne- Jones of the Ashgrove Literature Festival. These are the views I had from my hotel – but sadly for just a day.

img_20160829_071406  img_20160829_063728  img_20160829_074822

While in Townsville I had a terrific time at Oonoonba and Kirwan State Schools talking to the awesome Year 1-6s about You Turkeys,  Eric Vale, Derek ‘Danger’ Dale and Just a Dog. Great, enthusiastic, hilarious kids.

After Townsville it was a quick trip back to MELBOURNE and my pleasure to chair a panel called Nature and Place at the Melbourne Writers Festival on behalf of the WILDERNESS SOCIETY and their ENVIRONMENT AWARDS for CHILDREN’S LITERATURE. The panel consisted of the wonderful Graeme Base (Animalia, The Eleventh Hour) and Lisa Kennedy (illus. Welcome to Country by Aunty Joy Murphy). 


# Then it was back to beautiful BRIS VEGAS and three days at The Brisbane Writers Festival.

2caa2f1e-90a4-4bee-9e71-96df9ccfc628-2060x1236  img_20160910_111627


View from the Green Room at the Brisbane Writers Festival.

It was fantastic to be part of this year’s festival. I had three sessions at festival venues and one online session for Queensland State Schools. My session title was Don’t Call me Maggles. I spoke about Ishmael from Don’t call Me Ishmael and Maggie Butt from my latest novel The Pain, Sir Tiffy, Cyber Boy and Me. I also attended the State Finals of the Readers Cup and was Quiz Master for the night. Well done to the 15 finalists from nearly 600 schools from all around the State

Thank you to everyone who came and helped sell out all my sessions. It was fantastic to talk to and meet so many friendly and enthusiastic readers. A big congratulations and thanks to Julie Beveridge and the other festival organisers and to brilliant smiling army of volunteers who looked after us and made everything so easy and enjoyable.



Readers Cup State Finals.

fullsizerender-2 14263965_10209501082311382_63924113328773583_n14292295_10208278329259521_3500596232089538138_n 14222152_10209501082831395_6756234402965701629_n 14222192_10209501082671391_7154919119333522434_n scan0040 img_20160907_181605

# Meanwhile at home in our Brisbane backyard a year after building it and hoping they would come, they did. YAY!

14184316_10209455337207783_3401689417037234898_n 14242343_10209455334127706_2408382715844665520_o

And LASTLY if you’ve been cursing the unfairness and emptiness of your life because you don’t own an Eric Vale or Derek ‘Danger’ Dale inspired T-shirt (and haven’t we all?) then curse no more and wash your mouth with soap!

The original designs you see modelled so elegantly below, plus others by the amazing JOE BAUER and ARTSPEAR ENTERTAINMENT are now available for purchase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only that, but there’s additional t-shirts and merchandise available inspired by Artspear’s comedy sci-fi feature film AUSTRALIENS (available here on DVD!) and their hugely popular movie trailer spoof YouTube channel, TOON SANDWICH.

To see all the available items GO HERE.

TOON SANDWICH now has over 100,000 subscribers. Why not check out the 15 hilarious movie trailers already posted and see why they’ve had in excess of 22 MILLION views! *Parental Guidance Recommended 


That’s it. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for getting this far. Unless of course you didn’t, in which case I don’t know why I’m even bothering to talk to you since you won’t be reading this anyway given that you obviously have the attention span of a goldfish!

I’m making a resolution to do shorter weekly blogs whether I’ve got anything to say or not. So that should be riveting. Still, I think you’ll agree that this is an excellent resolution, which I guess is why I have made it so many times before.










Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

blog 93: In which I play catch-up yet again.

It’s been quite a busy few months since the last update, so very briefly here are some things that happened.

  • My awesome daughter the Meg- star married a man whom we also love.


  • I spent a terrific week in Perth at St Mark’s Anglican Community School.

    This slideshow requires JavaScript.


  • Along with many other authors, publishers and supporters of the Australia Book Industry  – including Morris Gleitzman – I spoke at the Productivity Commission hearing in support of maintaining the present Parallel Import Restrictions.


  • Along with my wife and other members of my family I travelled overseas to stay with my sister at her beautiful home in London and to attend the wedding of her elder son in southern France. Despite a few missed trains, a fantastic few weeks!

Wherwell Village


Anne Hathaway’s Cottage

  • Son Joe (illustrator for the Eric Vale and Derek ‘Danger’ Dale series) and daughter-in-law Rita’s hilarious independent sci-fi comedy AUSTRALIENS was released in the USA in July by Midnight Releasing and a special limited Blu-ray edition was also released in Australia by Monster Pictures who are distributing the Australian and UK dvd version. The film has been receiving a lot of great reviews which it certainly deserves. Congratulations to everyone who contributed to the making of the film. See ARTSPEAR ENTERTAINMENT for all of Joe and Rita’s other projects.
  • As for my writing, I had some good news regarding the official ‘go ahead’ for my next publication. I’m excited by this because it’s different from anything I’ve done before. More on that later.


That’s about it as far as highlights go. I have a quiet couple of weeks ahead of me before a busy 5 weeks or so of school visits around Brisbane, up in Rockhampton and Townsville and down in Melbourne. I also have three days at the Brisbane Writers Festival and a brief appearance at the Melbourne Writers Festival where I’ll be chairing a panel for the Wilderness Society featuring Graeme Base and Aunty Joy Murphy.

As far as writing goes I hope to start on a new YA novel soon. My only problem is that I have the skeletons of three possible story ideas fighting it out for attention in my head – a serious drama, a romantic comedy and a dystopian adventure. Not sure which one to commit to. Any thoughts?

Till the next blog.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

blog 92: In which I put on my serious face and talk about PARALLEL IMPORTS

What are Parallel Import Restrictions (PIRs)?

At present in Australia, the UK and USA, an author owns territorial rights to their work. This means that they can sell their book to one publisher in Australia, one in America and another in the UK, and those publishers have an exclusive right to sell that book within their market only. Booksellers can therefore only buy bulk copies of a title from the publisher who has rights in their own territory, so Australian booksellers purchase from Australian publishers.

Once again here in Australia the PRODUCTIVITY COMMISSION is recommending that these rules be abandoned, allowing bulk copies of books to be sourced from any market in the world, at any time, thus removing the Parallel Import Restrictions (PIRs) that currently exist.

So why does the Productivity Commission want to remove PIRs?

They claim it will make books cheaper for consumers even though in the last Productivity Commission report on this issue they admitted that firstly, they couldn’t guarantee book prices would actually fall, and secondly, if they did fall, they couldn’t guarantee the booksellers would pass those possibly lower prices on to consumers!

So in summary the big benefit of removing PIRs is –  lower prices that may or may not come, but if they do come you may not get them anyway.

(I think you could also question whether books are really that expensive in the first place. My first book was a year or so in the planning, two and a half years in the writing and another year before publication. You can buy it for the price of a few coffees or a cheap meal. You can also read it for free from your local library. I get less than two dollars if you buy it, substantially less again if you borrow it.)

What are the COSTS of removing PIRs for authors, publishers,the industry in general and all Australians?

I’ll use a personal example. My book Don’t Call Me Ishmael was published by Omnibus Books/Scholastic Australia in 2006. Even though they bought the World Rights my publisher only has the territorial rights to publish in Australia and NZ. I was very fortunate that the book was subsequently sold on to other publishers in the USA and UK. Under the present rules, copies of those overseas editions can’t be imported in bulk into Australia for sale, but individuals can still order copies via Amazons etc.

So what would happen in this case if PIRs were removed like the Productivity Commission wants?

Well first of all my Australian publishers would now face competition from those imported overseas editions. So what’s wrong with that? Isn’t competition fair and reasonable? Well I don’t it is in this case. My Australian publisher is the one that has taken the greatest risk in publishing my book in the first place. They have devoted their time, resources and money to the development and thorough editing of the story from the original manuscript to get it to the highest possible publishing standard. Is it fair that overseas companies should be able to just jump in and take advantage of all that work and then undermine the local publisher’s hard-earned profits by having free range to sell their overseas version back into Australia?

And another problem arises from this. Since removing PIRs would substantially erode local sales and profits, it would act as a strong disincentive for Australian publishers to pursue and sell overseas rights in the first place.

I have been able to move from being a full-time teacher to being a full-time writer, because of income earned through royalties, PLR & ELR and payment for school visits and festivals. A big factor in making that move possible was gaining those royalties from overseas sales in countries such as the USA and UK. I am very grateful to the International Rights Department of Scholastic Australia for their efforts in selling on these rights. But why would they want to continue to do this if it just came back to bite them through a flood of competing imported editions? In the case of DCM Ishmael, the American edition didn’t sell as well as expected so it’s likely without PIRs that copies of this edition would have been dumped cheaply on the Australian market to the great detriment of the successful Australian edition.

Another important reason why I wouldn’t like to see the UK or USA edition of DCM Ishmael  sold in bulk here, is that they are not the same as the Australian version. In both the overseas editions, uniquely Australia words and expressions have been removed and replaced, and in the case of the US edition, boys in an Australian school now play a game of American Football instead of Rugby Union!

Surely it’s important to all Australians that our kids see themselves, their country and their language in texts they read? I feel honoured that DCM Ishmael is set as a text for middle grade classes in lots of Australian schools. Occasionally I visit a school and I see a student with the US or UK edition which must have been ordered online. I think it’s sad that a student will not be reading an Australian story as it was originally written. If PIRs were removed, whole classes or year levels could be doing this.

I totally reject the Productivity Commission’s recommendations regarding removing PIRs. I don’t think unfairly undermining Australian Publishers’ profits will make them more productive. I think what it will do is force some out of business and cause widespread job losses in what is at present a very efficient and successful industry. And I also fail to see how reducing the opportunities for authors to get published or for published authors to earn a living (average author income = $12,900) will make them more productive either.

Cheaper books would be nice, but not if the real price you pay ends up being far too high.

And finally, as for the suggestion in the Report that authors should retain copyright to their work for a measly 15-25 years after its creation (rather than the 70 years after their death which is presently the case), well at this stage I’ll give the Productivity Commission the benefit of the doubt and just assume that that’s some kind of a very sick joke.


PS: Read what Tim Winton and Richard Flannagan and Jackie French have to say (so much more eloquently and powerfully than me) on this issue. You can also read what the ASA (Australian Society of Authors) have to say and more importantly, sign their petition HERE.

PIR Profile 007

We’ve been fighting this for years.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

blog 91: In which I travel to the Nation’s Capital to be there when the Dugongs returned.

Recently I happily accepted an invitation from Daramalan College in Canberra to come to talk to their Yr 8s who had read a couple of my Ishmael books …


… and also to attend a sell-out performance of their school stage show based on the second book in the Ishmael trilogy – Ishmael and the Return of the Dugongs.



Loved all the awesome posters created by the Year 8s.

IMG_1494  IMG_1491

What a wonderful visit. The Year 8s were a great group to talk to and the performance of The Return of the Dugongs was fantastic. The production adapted by Jo Turner and directed by talented Year 12 student Pip Carroll was very professional and loads of fun. Among many other amazing things, it featured a great live band and vocalist performing classic hits from the 80s (particularly appreciated Mickey by Tony Basil) beneath a fabulous dugong-shaped mirror ball!

Best. Thing. Ever.

My heartfelt thanks and congratulations to the talented cast and crew and everyone involved in the show for bringing my story and characters so vividly to life. I loved it! Special thanks to the awesome young actors for the skill, passion and energy of their performances. It was a terrific night’s entertainment and a great team effort. ‘Totally rigid’ as Razz would say.

These guys definitely rock!


With the cast and crew before the show.

IMG_1499 (23)

Pip with pre-show warm up.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

And of course I couldn’t pass up the chance of getting my photo taken on the night with some of these future (and present!) stars.

To the hard-working cast thank you again for the energy and enthusiasm of your inspired performances. It was a thrill to see characters that mean so much to me presented with such skill and sensitivity. Love your work! You really did ‘squeeze the day’.


Finally thanks to everyone – teachers, parents and students – at Daramalan College for your hospitality and super-warm welcome. Special thanks to Joe Woodward for making the visit possible.

I hope one day, just like the Dugongs, I might return.



Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

blog 90: In which I blatantly promote my new book!

I’m happy to say that I have a new YA book coming out in MAY.



It’s called THE PAIN, MY MOTHER, SIR TIFFY, CYBER BOY and ME and it will be launched at RIVERBEND BOOKS in Brisbane on TUESDAY MAY 3rd by my good friend and wonderful fellow writer Christine Bongers (Dust, Henry Hoey Hobson, Drongoes, Intruders).

Here’s a picture of Chris and me* with two people suffering the after effects of having read one of my previous books.


(*If you want to read a shocking, behind-the-scenes exposé of my adventures with Chris Bongers in outback Charleville, go HERE. Warning: Some images and attempts at humour might offend some readers.)

Basically The Pain etc and Me is the (humorous and at times serious) story of the narrator – 15 year old Maggie Butt – who is trying to get her life back on track after the upheaval and disasters caused by her parents’ divorce a few years previously. In order to do this she has set herself three specific goals to achieve in Year Ten before she heads off to a new senior school. The goals are 1. Make at least one good friend 2. Find a partner for the Year Ten Graduation Dance and 3. Reclaim her lost A grade in English. But with only around two months of the school year now left, Maggie appears doomed to fail on all fronts. To make matters worse Maggie’s mum’s new boyfriend (christened The Pain) seems intent on single-handedly destroying any last flicker of hope Maggie might have had of success. The question is, ‘How will it all end?’.

I really hope you like it.

Maybe some of the amazing and mind-blowing pre-release reviews that have been pouring in, will encourage you to at least try it.

They really are unbelievable.



REVIEWS: The Pain, My Mother, Sir Tiffy, Cyber Boy and Me – Michael Gerard Bauer

If you only read one book this year make sure it’s Michael Gerard Bauer’s The Pain etc and Me. If you do, I guarantee it will be the best book you read all year! (Old York Times)

I just read Michael Gerard Bauer’s new book from cover to cover in one sitting ! I found that skipping all the pages in between made it go soooooo much faster. (The Nightly Planet)

If you loved Markus Zusak’s The Book Thief. Congratulations! You have very good taste in literature. (The Monthly Weekly)

As I read Michael Gerard Bauer’s The Pain etc and Me, the words just flew off the page!  I think it had something to do with the cheap ink they used in the printing. (The Tuesday Paper – friday’s edition.)

Once I started reading Michael Gerard Bauer’s new book, I couldn’t put it down! (Note to self: Clean hands more thoroughly next time after working with Super Glue.)  (The Sunday Harold)

Michael Gerard Bauer’s The Pain etc and Me stayed with me for a long time after I’d finished reading the final words. (See previous note re Super Glue.) (The Wally Street Journal)

Once in a while a book comes along that changes your life forever. For me, it was Michael Gerard Bauer’s new YA novel. It’s my own fault of course. I should never have been reading it while driving … (The Washingboard Post)

I laughed! I cried! I cheered for joy! Then, after the Football finished, I started reading Michael Gerard Bauer’s The Pain etc and Me. Review to follow. But I might just watch a replay of the Footy first. Or trim my toe nails. Or do something else. Anything. Else. (The Chicago Trombone)

When you read Michael Gerard Bauer’s novels you can’t help but think of writers like Hemingway, Vonnegut and Steinbeck. And how much better they were. Still, he tries and I suppose you have to give him some credit for that. (The Curious Mail)

Engrossing. Captivating. Uproarious. Enriching. Luminous. These are all words I found in my Thesaurus when what I really should have been doing is reading Michael Gerard Bauer’s new novel. My bad! – awful, terrible, dreadful, appalling, shocking, ghastly, horrific, dire. (The Mercury Poisoning)

And finally for those who like playing SPOT THE DIFFERENCE. How many changes can you see from the UNCORRECTED PROOF* cover on the left to the FINAL cover on the right. Apart from subtle changes of colour that is. Maybe about 9?

Old Cover scan0005

(*If you have happened to have read the Uncorrected Proof version, you might be interested to know that in the final version, the last chapter was quite substantially rewritten.)

That’s about it for now. I’d LOVE to see you at the launch if you are in the neighbourhood.



Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

blog 89: In which I say ‘see ya’ to February and March.

Well somehow we’ve arrived at April so here are some things that have happened in the two months since I returned from my three weeks in China in January. (see blog 87 and blog 88 for details re China)

I’ve had a number of very enjoyable school visits around Brisbane and S/E Queensland. I visited Varsity College at Robina, Brisbane State High, Mt Gravatt SHS, Ambrose-Treacy College, Marist Brothers Ashgrove (my old school!) and Durack State School (where I got to hand out lots of books to the Preps and Grade Ones as part of the Books in Homes Program). A big thanks to all the students and teachers who made me feel so welcome.

At Mt Gravatt SHS I got to sign my first whale and I also encountered a few peg-people. (Readers of the Ishmael series will understand why.)

10400194_10207934515988203_8224668579897757563_n  12806129_10207934516108206_3838220517756232252_n

Towards the end of February I was one of the lucky authors and illustrators who attended the Romancing the Stars event at Immanuel Lutheran College on the Sunshine Coast. Always a fun night.

It was great to catch up with fellow writers Caroline Magerl (Hasel and Rose), Christine Bongers (Intruders) and Prue Mason (Camel Rider).


Unfortunately during the author speed dating, I kept dozing off listening to myself talk.

12798981_10154032503267577_7642346641279461264_n 10359254_10207877864411949_3757861656936081014_n

The highlight of the night for me was being presented with an original drawing (based on Hasel and Rose) from my favourite illustrator, the amazing Caroline Margerl.

IMG_1297 (2)

Early in March I attended the Kids Lit Quiz with Samantha Wheeler (Mister Cassowary) up at Ipswich Girls Grammar. This is an amazing annual international book competition which you can read more about HERE. Sam and I formed a two person Author team competing against the kids and in the end we came a very creditable ‘somewhere that wasn’t last’.

12806202_10208004193810105_2236484139785429210_n IMG_1323

Also in March I was one of a bunch of authors and illustrators who traveled to the TULLY region of Queensland to present at schools there. The trip was arranged by Elaine Ouston of Morris Publishing Australia. My fellow travelers also included Ron Day, Samantha Wheeler, Aleesah Darlison, Paul Collins, Meredith Costain, Josie Montano, Sheryl Gwyther, Kevin Burgemeister, Gabrielle Wang, Marjory Gardner.


It was a fun (and hot!) trip. As well as meeting and talking to lots of lovely and enthusiastic kids and teachers, we had plenty of laughs and saw some beautiful scenery along the way …

IMG_20160321_172157 IMG_20160321_171606

… and got stay a couple of nights at Mission Beach. It’s a hard life sometimes.IMG_20160322_185459


March concluded with a trip down south for a day at the Newcastle Writers Festival . I presented three sessions to school groups in the beautiful old City Hall building.


Apart from the sessions and meeting the wonderful organisers, volunteers and presenters at the Festival, another highlight of my trip was going to see Batman V Superman with illustrator Tony Flowers (Samurai Vs Ninja) and being given this awesome memento of the night …

scan0009 Perhaps the only low light of the Festival was my unfortunate encounter with one of these giant statues in the foyer of the Newcastle library.


Somehow I managed to head butt one of their hands in a rush to get to my next session. Not too surprisingly, in the battle of SOLID METAL HAND versus SOFT HEAD, the hand won.

Here I am with the lovely Karen Hughes just moments before she led me into the HAND OF DEATH. I’m sure I can see an evil glint in her eyes!


And here’s the result.

IMG_20160330_121614  IMG_20160330_122948

For a moment after the collision, all I could see were THESE 


Luckily with the aid of tissues and an ice pack I managed not to bleed too much on the audience. Of course it goes without saying that it probably would have killed a lesser man!

In the photo below with Katrina McKelvey and Tony Flowers you can clearly see the cut and lump on my head and the fact that I’m obviously still suffering from the after effects of concussion. (Thanks to Katrina for the great selfie)


Well, that’s about all for the more exciting things that I’ve been up to. Apart from that I’ve been going for my regular walks. Still not losing any weight, but strangely enough I think my legs might be getting longer.


In May, I’m looking forward to the release and launch of my next book. I’ll be saying more about all that in the next blog.

But for now, CHEERS …

IMG_20160321_201317 Michael.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

blog 88: In which I’m STILL in CHINA – PART THE SECOND.

In my previous blog I had reached the end of my time at the Nansha College Preparatory Academy and had covered my first 10 days in China.

AND YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!! (And I must say I find your lack of faith in the accuracy and legitimacy of my blog disturbing and offensive.)

Anyway … I had a day and a half left in the Nansha district before I moved to the next school, so on the Saturday Dianne (Librarian at NCPA) and I visited the huge park and gardens just down the road from the campus. It contains the Nansha Tian Hou Temple and the Nanling Tower that can be seen from the school. So glad I finally made it there before I left.






SAM_2452  SAM_2456

In the Temple I rang this bell. I’m sure you heard it from where you were.

SAM_2446 The next day I left Nansha and was driven for about two hours to the city of DONGGUAN. I was pretty happy to finally arrive at my lovely room in the Haiyatt Garden Hotel.



View from my hotel room.

And for the first time since arriving in China I had a TV to watch. Ummmmm …


It was a lovely room and I particularly liked my free-range bathroom.


The room service was pretty impressive as well.


The next morning I set off with these wise words from the book of Jing Si Aphorisms that was in my room, ringing in my head.


Carefully watching my tone and facial expressions, I spent two enjoyable days (Monday and Tuesday) at the International School of Dongguan (ISD) where I gave workshops to the Grades 4 – 8 and 10 & 11. Once again the students and their teachers were great, with a special thanks to Dora in the library for all her organisation and hospitality.



It was fun having lunch with this enthusiastic bunch of readers.

On the Tuesday afternoon it was another long taxi ride, this time to the big smoke of central Guangzhou (previously Canton) to commence my final school visit – five days at the American International School of Guanzhou (AISG).

I stayed here at the Grand International Hotel and caught the Faculty bus every morning to school at 7.00 am. Luckily it stopped right in front of the hotel. (And thanks to Elisa who made sure I never missed it or the bus home!)


At AISG I met with each of the four Year 6, 7 and 8 classes for two lessons. Once again the students were great to work with – willing to act things out, try the writing activities, share their work and generally get involved.

IMG_9445  IMG_9519IMG_9484  IMG_9455  IMG_9479  IMG_9516    IMG_9431  IMG_9489a

Also during my time at AISG I had the pleasure of having lunch with these awesome book-lovers …


… and being interviewed by these intrepid and intelligent junior reporters …


… and these intrepid and intelligent senior ones.


A big thanks yet again to all the students and teachers who made me feel so welcome at AISG, as well as the good folk who took me sight-seeing and out to dinner. A special thanks to Darlene in the library (and her  wonderful library co-workers Elisa and Kitty) for her friendship, good humour and for all her planning and organisation .

IPADMINI 009 CAM04470 IPADMINI 010 On my weekend off in Guangzhou I was kindly taken by a teacher and her husband to the top of Baiyun Mountain via cable car. I was a bit worried by the scrolling sign that said ‘drunkards and psychopaths’ shouldn’t ride the cable car, but I got on without any problem.

It was wet and very cold day but we still had a lovely time and there was a great (although misty) view over the city from the top. And you’ll be pleased to know that my hands did thaw out. Eventually.


In the gardens at the top there were also these interesting figures …


… but of course I had my photo taken with this one …


Afterwards to warm ourselves up we went to a very modern and high-end underground shopping mall and had a beautiful meal including these …

CAM04485  CAM04483

… made by these guys.

CAM04484During the weekend I got to see a bit of this very modern city.


CAM04499  DSC_0072


Including the impressive Guangzhou Library.


And just for my Australian friends – look, apparently Joe Hockey must have visited Guangzhou at sometime as well.


On Sunday morning I caught a taxi to the Guangzhou Museum.

IPADMINI 097It was the coldest morning Guangzhou had experienced for many years. I noticed some flakes of ice falling on me but apparently in some parts of the city that morning (possibly while I was inside the museum which incidentally was just as freezing as outside) they witnessed their first snow fall in 87 years.

This is me wondering why I can’t feel my face any more.


Luckily the Museum was wonderful. So many amazing carvings in wood, ivory and jade along with beautiful pottery and other artwork from over the centuries. (NB: against my better judgement I’ve even included a cat here for some of my Facebook friends.)

And then, as if to counterbalance all those gorgeous and amazing creations, over in the Underwater World section, there was this shark. No comment.
That’s about it, but before I finish off, I should mention that of course not everything on my trip was plain-sailing.

My phone decided to go crazy shortly after I arrived in China and began sending me multiple text messages – and when I say multiple I mean for example that I eventually received the same one from my wife around 80 times! Now I know I’m a little slow on the uptake, but seriously, was that really necessary?

Then to add to the excitement and spontaneity of the trip, my phone also decided to randomly change the date and time without telling me. (I now have a new phone.)

Also my newly downloaded Windows 10 killed my notebook just before a presentation at NCPA and I quickly had to restore it to a previous setting. Unfortunately that setting ended up being from some time in the Pre-Cambrian period and as you can see below it required a little catching up.


My very last session at AISG, and the final one of my China trip was a combined assembly for the year 6, 7 and 8s which was a lot of fun. As it turned out, my school visits concluded appropriately enough on Australia Day (although we really do need to change the date) so I got to wear the last of the Made-in-China koalas and kangaroos that I had been giving away throughout the trip.


That definitely is it! If you made it this far, you’re an absolute legend! (Either that or easily amused.)

All that remains now is for me to wish everyone at NCPA, ISD and AIGS a happy, fulfilling and prosperous YEAR of the MONKEY …


… and to thank you all (but especially Dianne Salminen) for spoiling me and making my three week journey such an enjoyable and memorable experience.

Wait, that’s not the end! A final, FINAL thanks to BOOKED OUT SPEAKER’S AGENCY who always do a great job in helping arrange and organise all my school visits including this one.

Cheers & thanks China!



Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments