blog 60: In which I say farewell to 2013 and plunge headfirst (after carefully checking the depth of the water with a stick) into 2014.

A lot of people make a BIG DEAL out of creating a list of RESOLUTIONS at the beginning of each New Year and then they don’t end up keeping any of them.

And I should know, because I am one of those people.

But not any more! This year I’ve decided to abandon that pointless folly. From now on I’m going to make a list of COMMITMENTS instead and see how that goes.

(Not to be confused with Mike’s 2014 Resolutions)

1. To write more.



2. To avoid setting outlandish goals that I have little or no hope of achieving.

3. To swim the Kokoda Track. 

4. To stop writing “To-do” lists in order to avoid actually doing things. 

I will achieve this by:

  • making a list of all the “to-do” lists I’ve made in the past so as to better avoid them
  • ticking off each “to-do” list as I don’t make it
  • making a list of things  to do in place of writing “to-do” lists

5. To make a start on answering my huge backlog of SPAM fan emails.

For example:

FingdingleHey all, purely evolved into responsive to your own web site by way of Google, determined that it must be really insightful. We are planning to watch out for belgium’s capital. My business is grateful if you happen to proceed this kind of in future. Appear as healthy will likely be gained out of your producing. Best wishes!

Dear Fingdingle
Thanks so much for writing! How’s that English course working out for you? If it’s any help, I’ve been told that Brussels is the capital of Belgium and has been for some time.  My suggestion would be to go to Belgium immediately and ask directions from one of the locals. Apparently it’s fairly hard to miss. And as far as “appear as healthy will likely be gained out of your producing” is concerned – truer words were never spoken!
Best wishes right back at you!

OsdhsrHHlSend Christmas a noble Christmas Gifts for men Equitable Christmas Gifts watches, it’s beneficial! Christmas is at worst uncut fro the corner. Don’t abjure it to the likeness.

Dear OsdhsrHHl
Your moving reflection on Christmas has touched my heart. Would that all Christmas gifts were noble and equitable! You have managed to put into words what so many of us have been thinking for so long but could never express so succinctly and eloquently.

“Christmas is at worst uncut fro the corner”.

Oh how true! You have helped me to see the light. I realise now that I have been “abjuring it to the likeness” all this time without knowing! What a fool I have been.
With heartfelt thanks and not a trace of likeness abjuring

6. To pay more attention to my spelling and grandma so as to avoid pornographical errors. 

7. To be more selective with my language use so that the warmth and clarity of my prose is not buried under a cold and suffocating avalanche of mixed metaphors and similes like a man adding too many layers of heavy clothing on a clear and sunny day. 

8. To make sure I finish whatever I set out to do. For example:

9. To have more faith in myself. But I seriously doubt that will ever happen. 😦

And finally …

10. To avoid writing BLOGS where because I’ve really got nothing to say, I just post a series of random photos I’ve taken and write ridiculous captions in order to squeeze a desperate trickle of humour from the withered fruit of their essential unfunniness. (Note to self: Might need to work harder on Commitment 7)

Well there they are, my COMMITMENTS for 2014. Wish me luck with keeping them!

And now in order to officially draw a line under 2013 and usher in 2014, here’s a series of random photos I took to show what I got up to at the end of 2013!  


I developed this rash on my hand but when I went to the doctor she wasn’t very sympathetic. She just said, “You’ve been spending far too much time in the sun, so what did you exspectrum?”


I spent hours decorating the Christmas tree before I realised I’d forgotten to buy a tree!


My decision to avoid using pesticides in the garden worked a treat.


I was unjustly ejected from the museum for attempting to scratch my name into this car. Come on, lighten up stuffy museum guys! Some people would have killed for that autograph.


My daughter Meg and I got stuck on this giant Golden Dalek spaceship and were transported through a space-time continuum where we had to avert an imminent invasion of Earth. But apart from that nothing much happened.


I didn’t feel much like doing the whole “Christmas lights thing” this year so I just put in a token effort.


We went to the Brisbane International Tennis tournament and I must say I was pretty impressed with some of the outfits this year.


 Meg’s pet crocodile got too big and had to be put down. Very deflating experience for her.

CAM00788with Joe

The illustrator of the Eric Vale Books Joe Bauer made me this model of the character Chewy for Christmas so I decided to officially adopt him. (Joe not Chewy) (But only on a trial basis.)


I also got this cheetah for Christmas. Sadly the “getting to know you” session with my pet hamster didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped.


On a visit to the zoo my wife and daughter were tragically taken by a giant croc. But not before I managed to snap this great action shot!


With the left over tinsel from the Christmas tree I built this! On Christmas Day it came to life and destroyed the neighbourhood. My bad!

That’s it. Thumbs up to a Happy and Super-Positive New Year and to more regular blogging.



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10 Responses to blog 60: In which I say farewell to 2013 and plunge headfirst (after carefully checking the depth of the water with a stick) into 2014.

  1. mgbauer says:

    Excellent light spotting Gabbie! Hope you aced that R & P assignment.
    5th time!!!! That’s enough to earn you Razz’s ORDER OF THE TOTALLY RIGID Medal! (Or is it just that my writing is so confused you haven’t worked out what the books are about yet?)
    Yay! Go Gabbie’s Inner Leader! As Herman Melville would say – Stand forth you own inexorable self.
    I will be visiting MSM in July. Make sure you say Hi.


  2. Gabbie says:

    I like the photos! Especially the Christmas light ones – that’s Joe Forni’s house (my family has been visiting Christmas lights since I was a baby) and I can’t believe he beat Wally from Warunda street this year. That’s a great list – maybe following it will help me and my friend finish our Religion and Philosophy assignment quicker (Just joking! We’re nearly done)

    I also thought I should let you know that I just finished reading the Ishmael books for the fifth time. They are my favourites (better than H.P.) and that James Scobie has inbspired me to embrace my inner leader.

    Thankyou 🙂


  3. tristanbancks says:

    You’re a funny man, MGB. I always get a laugh when I spin by your blog. Hope it’s a big, happy, successful year for you. And good luck with that rash. I, too, think you’ve been getting a refraction too much sun.


    • mgbauer says:

      Hi Tristan
      Thanks mate. I’m really enjoying following your amazing travels from a distance. Looking forward to your new book. And 10/10 for the refraction joke!


  4. Belinda says:

    That Chewy model is an absolutely awesome present. Great job, Joe!


  5. cjm76 says:

    You, my friend, are bloody hilarious! Best wishes for 2014 – may it shine for you! 🙂


    • mgbauer says:

      And you, my friend, write the most beautiful poetry. I hope your 2014 is good enough to deserve you. Cheers Michael.


  6. I’m cutting and pasting Mike’s list if you don’t mind. There, that’s one less list for me already. Well done Dim.


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