Michael Gerard Bauer Author

Ok I set myself a goal in 2024 of writing a new blog every week.

So here I am.

I mean I did clip my toenails a few days ago and one of knees has started to do strange and unexpected things which is a little unsettling, but is that really the kind of content you’re hanging out for? (And by the way, if it is, seek help.)

Anyway the upshot is, that my struggle to come up with something fascinating to write about got me thinking about the concept of WRITER’S BLOCK and that reminded me I had in fact written a blog on that VERY TOPIC many moons ago. (Over 3,000 moons ago actually or about 12 years.)

So for my, and your, instruction and edification I sought out that sacred, ancient text to uncover if the pearls of wisdom it contained might be of use to me in my current predicament.

I edited it down a little, but HERE’S WHAT I FOUND:

TEN SURE-FIRE WAYS TO BEAT WRITERS’ BLOCK!

1. Get someone to give you a short, sharp whack to the side of the head with a BLUNT OBJECT. I know that this particular technique works well whenever I get a fuel blockage in the lawn mower so I’m pretty sure the same principle should apply to ideas stuck in the brain. (Word of caution. Make sure the person who you choose to administer the blow is at least vaguely fond of you.)

2  Think of your FAVOURITE WRITER and ask yourself what they would do in the same situation. 
Of course no matter who you choose, the answer is always the same, “He/She would probably come up with some really brilliant idea that would dramatically advance the plot, reveal character or totally enthrall their readers.” So, yeah, just do that.

3. Throw in the towel. Stare at the blank page/computer screen and say, “Oh well that’s it then. I’m stuffed. I got nothin’. I can’t write for nuts!’ (Warning: This option does not come highly recommended.)

4. Look on your writer’s block not as a problem but an OPPORTUNITY! Eg. ‘Hey while I’m temporarily bereft of ideas, I’ll have time to make myself a cup of coffee!’ Or, depending on the extent or your blockage, ‘Hey I’ll have time to clean the house/build that deck/study to become a doctor/find myself/complete the map of the human genome.

5. Blame EXTERNAL FACTORS for your inability to come up with any decent ideas. Eg: ‘It’s too hot/cold/mild to write! How can I be expected to think of any good ideas and watch TV at the same time! This computer’s crap! I bet Tolstoy never had to put up with equipment like this! All my teachers let me down. They should have MADE me pay attention in class. That’s their job! I blame my external factors!’

6. STEAL an idea from another book, preferable one by a long dead author who can’t accuse you of plagiarism. So for example: Not enough drama, emotion and tension in your children’s adventure story? Then why not have your protagonist lose a leg to a GREAT WHITE WHALE? (Tip: Maybe make it a beige whale in order to disguise the actual source of your inspiration.)

7. Use the ‘COME BACK LATER’ technique. If you hit a difficult point in your story and you’re not sure exactly how to proceed just type in the line – Insert something interesting here  – and move on. However you may still have some work to do if your story ends up sounding like this …

Darius felt his stomach churn as he entered the grounds of his new school, Desolation High for the first time. Insert something interesting here. ‘Phew,’ sighed Darius on Graduation Day, ‘I’m glad those five years are over!’

8. Start asking ‘WHAT IF?’ questions to stimulate storyline and other ideas. What if my main character inherited a million dollars? What if he/she had to face his/her greatest fear? What if he/she isn’t what he/she seems? What if I reveal my secret spy work?

NB: Types of ‘What if’ questions you should avoid – What if I never come up with another good idea ever again in my entire life? What if I totally suck at writing but everyone is too nice to tell me so?

9. Use the power of POSITIVE THOUGHT. Repeat the mantra: “There is no such thing as writers’ block. There is no such thing as writers’ block.” Which is probably true. It might just be that you’ve entered a time in your life where, for whatever reason, you may not be able to think of any good writing ideas for a very, very, very long time. If ever.

10.  Recognise that writers’ block might actually be a GOOD THING.  (This one’s a bit ridiculous but I’m running out of ideas here.) Have you ever thought that having to stop and think for a while, even a long while, might actually be OK? That maybe you don’t actually “suffer” from writers’ block, but rather “BENEFIT” from it. That all it means is that you want your writing to be the very best it can be and that the ‘block’ part is just you stubbornly blocking out anything that’s not good enough to be part of your work. Surely the worse thing you could possibly be as a writer is “easily satisfied”. So perhaps it’s more like “writers’ QUALITY CONTROL control” than “writers’ block”. But however you label it, isn’t it a good thing that you’re willing and able to tell your muse in no uncertain terms, “I’m still here you bastard and no matter how long it takes, I’m not going anywhere until you and I come up with something worthwhile!”

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So what happened was, I read all those incredibly wise suggestions and they really helped. Not only was I able to complete my blog as you can see, but I also came up with AN ADDITIONAL SURE-FIRE WAY TO BEAT WRITERS’ BLOCK.

This one!

 11. When all else fails, just basically CUT AND PASTE something you’ve written in the past, add a few words here and there, and desperately hope nobody notices.

**** insert something interesting here ****

Cheers
Michael

PS: I finished my first book in my ’24 in 24′ Reading Challenge. The painful truth of the Native Police and our brutal, unreconciled past. A detailed, difficult and devastating read but highly recommended.

PPS: If you have any good suggestions for beating Writers’ Block or questions for me or topic suggestions for my next blog or you just want to COMMENT about anything or say Hi, then PLEASE DO SO!