Just when the Reserve Bank announces a .25% rate cut and Woolies runs a special deal on tinned tuna and you start to think life couldn’t possibly get any better – it does!
I’m here to officially announce the never-to-repeated/while-stocks-last/no-rainchecks/for-this-week-only/you’d-be-mad-to-miss-it Amazing Ishmael Trilogy Giveaway Competition!
That’s right, here’s your chance to win the complete and unabridged Ishmael series – Don’t Call me Ishmael, Ishmael and the Return of the Dugongs and Ishmael and the Hoops of Steel – just in time for Christmas! (Unless I post them too late which I probably will, in which case they’ll be just in time for New Year!)
Here’s what the critics are saying about the Ishmael Trilogy: “There are three books.”
What a thrilling treat for you or a friend or family member – or alternatively, what an extremely disappointing one for someone who hates to read.
But there’s more! Each of the books will be personally signed! (Not by me of course. That would be just too special. However I’m sure I’ll be able to find someone with time on their hands, and a pen who wouldn’t mind helping out.)
So here’s all you have to do to be in the running:
(1) Write a thesis of approximately 60,000 to 100,000 words on ‘the significance and importance of the Ishmael Series within the great canons of world literature, with particular reference to the neo-classical, romantic and metaphysical schools’.
(2) Just post the line ‘I want them books!’ in the comments section. Correct spelling, punctuation and word order are essential if you wish to avoid being asked to leave the tribal council immediately.
Additional terms & conditions what I thought of:
1. The winner must be resident in Australia or at least be able to supply an Australian postal address to which the books can be sent. Sorry no overseas posting – I’m not that generous!
2. Apart from the fact that I will just place the name of everyone who comments into a hat and draw one out, chance will play little part in selection of the winner.
3. The competition will run for a week, or possibly longer, or shorter.
4. Once the winner is announced, no correspondence will be entered into – unless of course you email me and complain about the result and call me a fraud and a cheat and I send you back an arrogant and dismissive response and you return with a foul-mouthed and abusive barrage and I lose it completely and claim that you smell etc.
5. Attempts to flatter or bribe the organiser of the competition will be greatly appreciated but will not increase your chances of winning one iota. Ok maybe one iota, but definitely not two!
6. Members of my immediate family (wife and assorted fruits of my loin) will be ineligible to enter. Why would they need to? They’re all getting my books as Christmas presents anyway – just like every year!
7. If there are any other important terms and conditions I should have put in but forgot, I get to add them here afterwards and nobody is allowed to complain or make snide or cutting remarks. or take me to court.
Well I think that about does it. Get your entries in! Don’t forget if only two people enter you’ll have a 50/50 chance of winning! If three people enter … … … … … … … … well you figure it out, I can’t be expected to do everything for you!
Cheers & good luck