Just when the Reserve Bank announces a .25% rate cut and Woolies runs a special deal on tinned tuna and you start to think life couldn’t possibly get any better – it does!
I’m here to officially announce the never-to-repeated/while-stocks-last/no-rainchecks/for-this-week-only/you’d-be-mad-to-miss-it Amazing Ishmael Trilogy Giveaway Competition!
That’s right, here’s your chance to win the complete and unabridged Ishmael series – Don’t Call me Ishmael, Ishmael and the Return of the Dugongs and Ishmael and the Hoops of Steel – just in time for Christmas! (Unless I post them too late which I probably will, in which case they’ll be just in time for New Year!)
Here’s what the critics are saying about the Ishmael Trilogy: “There are three books.”
What a thrilling treat for you or a friend or family member – or alternatively, what an extremely disappointing one for someone who hates to read.
But there’s more! Each of the books will be personally signed! (Not by me of course. That would be just too special. However I’m sure I’ll be able to find someone with time on their hands, and a pen who wouldn’t mind helping out.)
So here’s all you have to do to be in the running:
EITHER
(1) Write a thesis of approximately 60,000 to 100,000 words on ‘the significance and importance of the Ishmael Series within the great canons of world literature, with particular reference to the neo-classical, romantic and metaphysical schools’.
OR
(2) Just post the line ‘I want them books!’ in the comments section. Correct spelling, punctuation and word order are essential if you wish to avoid being asked to leave the tribal council immediately.
Additional terms & conditions what I thought of:
1. The winner must be resident in Australia or at least be able to supply an Australian postal address to which the books can be sent. Sorry no overseas posting – I’m not that generous!
2. Apart from the fact that I will just place the name of everyone who comments into a hat and draw one out, chance will play little part in selection of the winner.
3. The competition will run for a week, or possibly longer, or shorter.
4. Once the winner is announced, no correspondence will be entered into – unless of course you email me and complain about the result and call me a fraud and a cheat and I send you back an arrogant and dismissive response and you return with a foul-mouthed and abusive barrage and I lose it completely and claim that you smell etc.
5. Attempts to flatter or bribe the organiser of the competition will be greatly appreciated but will not increase your chances of winning one iota. Ok maybe one iota, but definitely not two!
6. Members of my immediate family (wife and assorted fruits of my loin) will be ineligible to enter. Why would they need to? They’re all getting my books as Christmas presents anyway – just like every year!
7. If there are any other important terms and conditions I should have put in but forgot, I get to add them here afterwards and nobody is allowed to complain or make snide or cutting remarks. or take me to court.
Well I think that about does it. Get your entries in! Don’t forget if only two people enter you’ll have a 50/50 chance of winning! If three people enter … … … … … … … … well you figure it out, I can’t be expected to do everything for you!
Cheers & good luck
Michael
Michael Gerard Bauer Author 
oops needed to proof that last one!!
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‘I want them books!!!!’ Just read ‘Hoops of Steel’ and really enjoyed how you bought it to a close….. Have put your blog address in our students’ One Note for whe nthey study “Don’t call Me Ishmael’ so you should get heaps more bloggers around May 2012… just somehting to look forward to … and will see you when u come visit the school
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Thanks Lizzie!
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I want them books!
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Jil you are in the hat!
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I want them books!
-Hyperventilates with the pain of incorrect grammar in the above ‘sentence’-
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I knew it would be challenging for some!
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I actually began to write the thesis to avoid the pain, then at about 59,900 words I realised it would be much easier to just deal with incorrect grammar.
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‘I want them books!’
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Thanks Paul. Good luck!
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I want them books!
Already read 1 and 2, but having 3 would be great.
I have friends who should read it anyway.
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Only posting within Australia Moshe – you ok with that?
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I want them books, pretty please with many cherries/whatever food you like best on top! 😛
Keep up the awesome work.
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Thanks Sheri, you’re in with a good chance!
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*Scrolls to end of comments. Thinks hard. Calls to offstage crew.* Line!
Oh yeah, that’s right.
I want them books!
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Ah Kath if only the competition was decided on merit and creativity!
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‘I want them books!’ too please 😀 (I’ve already cleared appropriate space on the book shelf…)
Failing a good result from your hat event thingie, do your three works come in a pretty box set I can tell Santa about?
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I like that show of confidence Dimity! No box set unfortunately but I do encourage people to buy all three and make their own box for that personal touch.
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‘I want them books!’ … Please… Ta muchly
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You’re in with a good chance Alex!
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I want them books!
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Good luck Nabbu!
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Is this a record response to your blog, Michael?
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I think so Sam.
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‘I want them books!’ Please (because I’m well brought up). I have two of them but they are not signed. I can always give the unsigned ones away to some deserving child and hook them on your writing – that is a great reason for me to win. Isn’t it huh!
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Very persuasive Elaine but the hat will decide!
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‘I want them books!’ Simply because i already a bought two sets and believe in the buy two get one for free marketing tool.
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You know how biased I am towards you Kerry but I must rermain impartial!
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‘I want them books!’ Love what the critics are saying btw, they almost never get it right.
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You know, I’d share this on Facebook, except ‘I want them books!’
Just sayin’.
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Survival of the fittest Margaret?
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Survival of the blog subscribers. 😉
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‘I WANT THEM BOOKS!’ (Oops! I forgot the speech marks)
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‘I want them books!’
(luckily ip*one autocorrect doesn’t care about grammar!)
🙂
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It’s the message that counts Alison!
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I WANT THEM BOOKS!
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All in capitals Carol? A unique touch. How the judges will look on that only time will tell!
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‘I want them books!’ (notice that everything is included, even speech marks)
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Kane that was the first thing I noticed! Excellent work.
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Because Michael Gerard Bauer is such an utterly spiffing fellow, full of wit, compassion and wisdom, profoundly generous, always thought-provoking, a sucker for flattery and the writer of a blog that has brought me to tears (actually, that bit is no exaggeration), I want them books!
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Margaret, including a foreward to the required line – inspired!
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Joe says get back to writting your book or there will be nothing to give away next year!
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That is a very, very, very good point. Maybe Joe should start writing it as well as a back up just in case.
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I want them books, oh He Whose Feet I Am Not Worthy to Lick Clean.
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I was tempted to give that two iotas Alexandra but I restarined myself out of fairness to everyone else.
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*retrained*
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‘I want them books!’ (cut and pasted to make sure)
I trust the books are as entertaining as the terms and conditions 🙂
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I like that attention to detail Nadine – you’ll go far!
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I want them books!
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Great response Naish – clean, uncluttered – one for the purists.
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‘I want them books!’ (Wish I could work how to make this in italics to further match)
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Ah, that’s the Holy Grail!
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I would enter, but Clare already has all three (but only two autographed…). She’s waiting patiently for number four.
Good luck to the hundreds that will be vying for the prize!
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You could always win them for someone else Sam. And I’m happy to sign those other two for Clare any time.
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Good point! A friend’s boy has just started at Marist Ashgrove and I’d love to give them to him. Will enter after all.
Clare would love to have the others signed.
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Hahahaha, you’re a scream a minute, Michael!
As you know, I have the Ishmael duo-ogy – numbers 1 and 3, but not 2, the Dugongs. So I’m probably out of the competition, but no matter. My TWO books have been PERSONALLY signed with lovely messages! 😉 Beat that!
Now I have to get back to writing the Thesis you require – my analysis will focus on how the works impinge into the dimension of the New Continental Critics, and contained an implicit moral dimension, and possibly even a religious one. 😉
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Sheryl I’ve got a free Dugongs here for you whenever you want it. As for the thesis, I like where you’re going with it. In the hands of a lesser writer it might lack depth and originality and end up being a little simplistic and predictable, but I’m very confident you’ll avoid those obvious pitfalls.
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I shall endeavour to do you proud, mgb! 🙂
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I want them books!
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Nicely done Chris! I like the way you resisted the urge to correct the grammatical error.
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Corrected grammar would have lost so much sparkle.
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I want them books. Please. 🙂
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First in Lynne – congratulations! I just hope that missing Exclamation Mark doesn’t count against you. I leave it in the hands of the panel of judges.
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