Most mornings I go for my regular walk through Enoggera, Ashgrove and Newmarket.
Come along with me as I read the signs.
(Yes I know what you’re thinking – very impressive pins!)
Sign 1: Just around the corner and down the road a little from our house stands the Portal to the magic Kingdom of ASHGROVE. To enter you must pass a stringent test. Notice the POST OF PUNISHMENT blocking the portal? Only the wise and ingenious can find their way through! For verily it is said, that it is easier for the eye of a needle to pass through a camel than for an unworthy soul to enter Ashgrove! Of course that could be all total crap. (And yes that IS the Batmobile I’ve accidentally captured flashing past. Well spotted!)
Sign 2: 5 minutes into my walk I pass this shop front with its motivational messages.
At the top of the door it asks somewhat ungrammatically, “Embarrased by Ugly and Fat Stomach?”
My response? “No, not really. Are you embarrassed that you can’t spell embarrassed?
As for Vacuum Therapy – I do the vacuuming every Saturday at our place and it’s not helping ‘lift my butt’ one bit!
Sign 3: Remnants of a grisly crime scene investigation where a bicycle was found murdered. Police suspect that it might have been pedalling drugs.
Sign 4: These people have taken it upon themselves to declare their yard a ‘Scrub Turkey Sanctuary’. Scrub turkeys from all over Brisbane come here to escape political and religious persecution. It’s a wonderful thing.
Sign 5: But it’s not just Scrub Turkeys that find respite in Ashgrove. It’s also a refuge for people who through no fault of their own, have tragically lost their hands and feet.
Sign 6: Someone has written this on the footpath at the Bus Stop. Ashgrove graffiti vandals don’t have much imagination or creativity.
Sign 7: Bad sign! Bad sign! Must. Not. Read. Must. Keep. Eyes. Averted. Must. Keep. Walking. Nothing. To. See. Here. Nothing. At. All. OMG! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE CREAM BUNS! I’LL TAKE SIX!!!
Sign 8: This spot was obviously the inspiration for Robert Frost’s famous poem The Road Not Taken. Notice the chalk signs indicating the ‘road less travelled’. Incredible.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both and be one traveller
Long I stood until someone shouted,
‘Get out of the way moron! You’re blocking the path!’
Sign 9: This sign is extremely misleading. I have walked this path heaps of times and I am yet to come across one of those handless, feetless, refugee people floating above their bike.
Sign 9: Would it be ok if I breathed once in a while?
Sign 10: Yes you read correctly. There is actually a ‘National Quandong Day’. In fact NQ Day is huge in Ashgrove. There’s even an official NQ Day song. It goes like this, “Darling when will you be mine? Tell me Quandong? Quandong? Quandong?”
Sign 11: The portal back from the suburb of my birth to the suburb of Enoggera where I now live. Notice the complete absence of a POST OF PUNISHMENT. They let anyone live here.
Cheers
Michael
Michael Gerard Bauer Author 
“Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure!” MGB, you have a gift for turning banality into hilarity. The only signs I notice as I walk around my estate are the ones warning us not to kill our own children…
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Ahh, the siren song of the Bakery-Cafe … the apparent truncated limbs is a worry tho. Are too many people in Ashgrove giving their friends a hand, or putting their feet in their mouth? Or maybe it is just an odd fashion trend where people wear shoes and gloves of a colour that blends in perfectly with their surrounding environment? I suspect the cyclist knew the answer, but someone squished him before he could talk. Slipped him a bit of bad gear perhaps – always have wondered about the quality of those white lines in Queensland …
Thanks for another entertaining post MGB! =)
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Always fun to hear your unique take on things Scott!
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Isn’t it truly wonderful how versatile that word “unique” is?
“Hey son, look at that unique man over there in the strait jacket.” =)
And don’t think I’m not petitioning the appropriate people to have a special Hell reserved for people who plant the “Quando, quando, quando” seed into innocent (ok, well unsuspecting at least) minds.
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This one definitely had me laughing out loud – a lot. And in our house we always say that a bicycle was murdered when we see those grisly crime scenes, too!
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Discovered your witty website today.
Thanks Michael. Loved your Photo journal hehe 🙂
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Hilarious!!
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They are impressive pins. However, after such a long walk, I am grateful to only ‘see’ your socks and not smell them. 🙂 Bravo for such an enjoyable post.
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